In the Money

And he said, I don't know what to do when I'm in the money. For I might have written a call, or covered a call, or bought a call, or bought a put, or sold a put. It's always an issue when I'm in the money. I can try strangle or straddle. Iron condor is good too. The butterfly effect works at ideal optimal moments.

And she thought, I don't even know what he says, why should I give him my money?

I'd rather pay the bank to look after my money. And then maybe they would give it to me in dribs and drabs. 

Or maybe I'll put my coins in mason jars. Now, how much do mason jars cost? That is an investment.

I could make a patchwork quilt and stuff my dollar bills in it. Then I would always be in the money and I wouldn't have to pay him any commission or fees to watch the stock market go up and down ~ always down after I bought the stock ...

Or I could buy an expensive eider down pillow and empty it of the eider and stuff the dollar bills in it: then I would have a soft squishy neck rest that would always be in the money. 

Ah! So many choices. I'm not really a seamstress. I'm not a pickler either. I don't believe in zero-return investing.

I think I shall listen to what he says. I can lay the ground rules. "My stomach for risk is puke-Pisa leaning. Therefore, no options, I just like blue blue chip. You know, LIKE WARREN BUFFETT."

Okay, okay, miss. No more in the money for you: I will give you dividends, healthy quarterly dividends. Some growth, depend on me. You can sleep on that expensive eider down pillow nightmare-lessly.